How Not to Cry During a Eulogy

The godfather of the insurance industry passed this week, off to the AAA office in the sky, selling hell protection to anyone and everyone with a free John Reeves pen to all! My Dad will be missed, that is for sure.

As his son, I had been preparing for this moment about a decade ago when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's/Dementia. It's up to me to tell his friends and family his story; the eulogy. Anytime I thought of some story from whenever, out came my phone and would make a few notes about it to jog my memory when it came time to compile the master story compilation. It's easy to compile stories and public speaking was not going to be a problem as I've done many presentations over the years. Emotions, however, cannot be understated. You can try your best but if you're crying, those stories are not coming out. 

You can't let the dude down who did so much for you so cry I would not. In preparation, I went to a place where everything is the truth (insert sarcasm), the information superhighway. I entered "how not to cry during a eulogy" and got some good pointers and added a few of my own:

- Breath, breath, breath. Key. Once that hyperventilating starts, its all downhill.

- Practice, practice, practice. I talk to myself at home anyway so I got to hear the speech a few times.
- Liquid nearby. Check. Dry mouth and speech do not mix.
- Write the eulogy/summary but don't read it verbatim. Tell a story. You don't have to hide behind the podium either. Give the story some action.
- Get a good cry in when you're writing the eulogy. Check.
- Check your crowd beforehand and identify the known crier. Do NOT look towards said person when you're talking.  
- Get in the sports/competitive mindset and make it a game you really want to win and will not be denied. A mission to get the stories told.
- Your Dad is counting on you. Enough said.

I've also had the good fortune to be friends of two of the greatest story tellers of their time, Jim M. and Gus. Jim likes working the larger crowds (he's available for wedding toasts) while Gus can work a story for a group of 10 or fewer like none other. I channeled both of their abilities on Tuesday. 

I am happy to report that the stories got told and the pride of Detroit Cathedral Central got the proper send off. 

Enjoy your unlimited mulligans Dad. 

Trail Head

Two Pictures, Two Fish Stories

Every picture tells a story they say and these two pretty much say it all. 

To the left we have my quota for today's NoMo charity kayak fishing tournament. After jumping from Long Lake over to Pontiac Lake earlier in the morning (any public lake is eligible), I got the noted 16 incher around 9 AM on a green pumpkin tube setup. Thoughts of prize money rolled through my head. A thank you text went out to Al and Doke who gave me some pointers on using said tube lure. The NoMo would be mine with my new "secret" lure (that everyone has probably known about and been using since I've existed on this planet). But it was mine today! Or so I thought as the 9 AM action was it for legal fish in the session as the north winds kicked it up a notch.

This leads us to the picture on the right. While I was slapping myself on the back on Pontiac Lake, sending my thank you text out and thinking about my victory speech, Al and Doke were doing the motorized fishing experience on Lake St. Clair; probably going for the net again as my text came through as both limited out on walleye. And we're not talking about the wimpy, one boat with 18 poles trolling along, snagging anything in their way, fishing experience (blah). These two cast their keep. Real fishing. 

Trail Head

Hunting Via Bicycle

No, I don't hunt as the last time I can recall shooting a gun was 6th grade camp at Proud Lake Recreation Area; 1978 I believe. There weren't any ribbons presented that week for my shooting prowess as it was not my calling (there weren't ribbons period as we weren't wimpy millennials - ha) .

If it was my calling, however, there would be no starving individuals in my house as I seem to be the pied piper on the bicycle in attracting what could be a delicious turkey dinner with some venison sausage as an appetizer. Word probably leaked on the deer/turkey community's social media site of my lack of marksmanship so there is no fear when I come through I guess.  

Trail Head 

Dragging Ass

Sometimes the mountain bike gods choose to shine on others as they certainly weren't shining on me yesterday at the Mud, Sweat & Beers race in Traverse City. I can pull out the book of excuses as it has many to choose from but will just chalk it up as a day to enjoy the many forms of riders passing me; the hardcore, the Cinemax soft core, the fat tires, the single speeds, the elders, the teens. They all dropped by.

Within the attached short clip you get to see/hear (need sound on): the start, a snow visual (yes, still some bits of snow up north) followed by a need for more cowbell, throwing an F-bomb call out to an upcoming hill, several pro racers passing me (on your left, on your right, sit tight spandex dude), severe camera wind going down a hill and a finish line plunge into Max's Mud Pit. 

Great day, even with a dragging ass.

Trail Head

mud pit prior to finish line

the herd preparing

still some snow in Michigan

Bike Tour Book Review II

Today brings us the second installment of the Bike Tour book review. Some good reads recently on my daily bus ride home from the D. The book reading process on the bus provides a nice getaway from:  the work day, the ladies sitting behind me bitching about their work day, the anguish on the face of the poor individual sitting across who is sandwiched in a two-seater with a 300+ pound individual, the deodorant challenged individuals, lady plumber butts (large ones), the loud cell phone talker, the losing gambler (bus has a stop at MGM) and last but not least, the beer spilling painter. Everything mentioned actually has happened one time or another on the bus but are exceptions for the most part. The ride is A-OK as a majority of riders are good, hard working folks looking to get home. The beer spilling painter seriously happened once. That sure wasn't coffee in his tin tumbler when the bus came to a sudden stop, the lid somehow popped off and he spilled on the lady in front of him; almost a full tumbler. I saw said painter sleeping on the sidewalk in front of the RenCen sometime after. No lie.

With that, the reviews:

- Tom Petty autobiography

Whether you're a fan of his or not, a great read of the many, many, many peaks and valleys of someone who left us too soon; yet the man cheated death a few times prior. He sure took his entertaining seriously; and it showed in his concerts. 

- Trump book (exact title withheld)

I'm leaving the exact title out as the book already has enough public relations over the past year by the actions of the subject of the book. The author sure had to be in quite a few places though to capture what he has in print (insert skepticism) but boring stories aren't going to sell books, eh? Nothing too shocking in it but National Enquirer readers will enjoy it. The Prez himself didn't think he'd win the election as the author infers? Make that two of us. The son-in-law is a moron? Wow!! (sarcasm). You can just turn on the 24 hour news network, see it live and save yourselves some book money.     

- The Curse - The Colorful & Chaotic History of the LA Clippers

This should be lumped in with the previously referenced book as the root of both issues lie in the leader. Donald Sterling had no clue. They say any publicity is good publicity; not in his case. The man unfortunately had no little man inside his head to tell him to keep it to himself.  

Bad owner aside, the team just couldn't catch a break. The most knee injuries ever and Bill Walton's broken feet didn't help. 

Good read though as each season that Sterling owned the team (roughly 30 years), you can only say "no way" in reading what went wrong each year for either him (self induced) or the team (plain bad luck).

- U.S. Guys: The True and Twisted Mind of the American Man
- Work and Other Sins: Life in New York City - Charlie LeDuff

I'm lumping these two together as they are from one of my favorite authors. Both deal with the people you don't see all clean and perfect on television; he writes of real people. The author is not afraid to walk up to anyone from a crack addict to a prostitute to a group of firemen who were part of 9/11 to a group of individuals recreating Little Big Horn, sit down with them for an extended time and learn a little bit about how they came to be. Those pan handlers weren't shaking the paper cups their entire lives. 

The author was able to be part of the circus, play arena football and joined the Little Big Horn reenactment to name a few. The stories aren't about the circus, football or the war though, they're about the people behind the activity. You learn about the lives of foreign families going cross country in the circus; just getting by.  The former football hero looking for that one last shot to be seen. And the group of individuals driving cross country each year to dress up and celebrate (??) the anniversary of an entire calvary getting slaughtered.
Five stars on anything this author writes. 

- Good Vibrations

Beach Boy bio from the lead singer.  The 'Endless Summer' album (one of their many, many, many greatest hit compilations) back in the 70's was one of my first. The author seems to pat himself on the back more than once but when you're writing, I guess you can rationalize all you want. The author whines a handful of times on not getting enough credit for some song writing that cousin Brian claimed sole credit.  We get it. You only have to tell us once that you were bitter.
We learn that Brian Wilson should have stuck to the naturals. Really? (more sarcasm). Artificial buzz is not the way large fella.
A good read overall though as it was one talented family. I had the music player on the 'Pet Sounds' album the entire week after the read.  

- Present at the Creation: My Life in the NFL and the Rise of America's Game

The author, son of one time NFL commissioner Bert Bell, started in the business working for the Baltimore Colts ticket office, moved to the scouting department, became personnel director and eventually became general manager of the New England Patriots. That would be my dream career path in some fashion if I were to do it all over again. A great perspective on the scouting process and I understand even more what a crap shoot the draft is after the 1st Round.
Mr. M. Millen, if you're reading, you at least have to get the 1st Rounder right though and you couldn't even do that.

- The Godfather

Yes, I've seen the movie a trillion times but the visual while reading is always a treat.

- Sole Influence: Basketball, Corporate Greed, and the Corruption of America's Youth

Written in 2000 but still applies to today in some respects (unfortunately) as it talks about the shoe companies taking over the AAU basketball circuit, and the lack of background checks for some of the coaches within the program. I would hope in 18 years since the book came out that more thorough background checks are being completed; but there is no way the shoe wars will ever stop. Friend Gus' son plays AAU currently and haven't heard any horror stories so that is a good thing.

- I'm Dying Up Here: Heartbreak and High Times in Stand-Up Comedy's Golden Era

Good read on the golden era of comedy in the 70's when some were making it big (i.e. Letterman, Pryor, Leno, Kaufman) and some not so much; one comedian who jumped off the roof of the club was one of the unlucky ones. A profession that if you can't take getting the heckles that go along with the laughs, you won't last.
We learn about a group of up and coming comics joining together to picket the club to protest the crappy wages (little, if any) they were getting. The owner claimed she was providing exposure for the comics to make it big so most got little or nothing to appear. It eventually worked with the comics getting their wishes but not without a little blood; and one death unfortunately.

Taking the Blame for the Late Spring

winter project complete

Yep, I'll take the blame for this one as my winter project finally concluded tonight so...spring may commence! 

I'm taking the blame but I'm bringing the frame company who I ordered from with me! One order of 25 frames that mat to a 5 x 7 picture, all the same color/size; seemed like a simple order. After getting someone else's candle holders, the wrong size frames and a couple visits to the UPS store (thanks again Michelle for the help both times!), my 25 frames came. 

With my yardstick, level, pencil and 125 reader glasses guiding the way, besides a few cusses, the framing process went pretty smooth for this large headed fellow. 

Time to pedal.

Trail Head

 

Music Album Envy

Digital music. Love the crystal clear sound but today's youth have no idea what they are missing with not being able to experience the record album. Besides the obvious of the outstanding sound quality of what appears to be bratwurst cooking as you play them, nothing beat going to the record store. It was an event. The only thing better was getting home and not just playing the album but digging your melon into the cover and the contents inside the sleeve. The artwork, the credits, the lyrics and sometimes a crazy art insertion by the band. I had the lyrics to Styx's "Renegade" and Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" down pat as they were right there in the sleeve for you to sing along. Laugh all you want youngsters but it sure beat the hell out of today's youth equivalent of seeing who on social media is changing their profile picture (again).

Case in point of a great album is the Zeppelin IV album. Not only a great album musically but open the album cover and put the inside picture of a night watchman against the mirror and a 'beast' is seen. Of course it made all of us into satanic worshipers once we saw it (insert sarcasm). 

Zeppelin IV with the night watchman turning into the beast

The millennials have no idea of the 'Paul is dead' conspiracy back in the day. The Beatles Abbey Road cover had Paul barefoot with a '28IF' license plate in the background. Aren't dead people buried barefoot? Will Paul make 28? How can I get my record player to play the album backwards so I can hear the hidden message? I remember my brother telling me about it when I was about 10 or so and actually giving it a moment to comprehend. "Who is the guy in Paul's body then?" my 10 year old pea brain thought. One of my favorite SNL skits re-visited the silliness via the 'Chris Farley Show'; with Paul McCartney as the guest:

Chris Farley: Did you see "Terminator"?

Paul McCartney: No, I missed that one.

Chris Farley: That was a pretty awesome flick. [ pause ] O-kay.. remember.. you remember when you were with The Beatles, and you were supposed to be dead, and, uh, there was all these clues, that, like, uh, you played some song backwards, and it'd say, like, "Paul Is Dead", and, uh, everyone thought that you were dead? That was, um, a hoax, right?

Paul McCartney: Yeah. I wasn't really dead.

no, Paul really is alive

I was recently cleaning up some pictures and came across a couple that could easily double as album covers. 

To the left we have the Rolling Stones. To the right we have my friends being silly up north; two of them literally 'walking on water'.

Ozzy to the left; me to the right prior to the Judas Priest show last weekend.  My speech has mirrored his at times.