Getting The Hell Out of Dodge

I have no idea where that saying came from but about a month ago while shoveling, I had a thought that if there was such a place, it was time to get the hell out of it. After some map investigation, Jamaica hadn't been seen by the large melon so south I went. I wasn't in the mood for any all-inclusive/enclosed resort area. I wanted to get out and meet the locals; and meet them I did.

My hotel was about a mile walk from the airport in Montego Bay so taxi time wasn't needed. The locals looked at me like I was nuts in that I would actually walk. It was more of a concern of lost cab fare versus my well-being, however. During my walk, I got to witness the Jamaican custom of horn honking. They honk for "hello," honk for "need a cab," honk for "get out of my way" or just honk for no particular reason, like my dad sometimes does; just to make sure its working. They love their horns.

I arrived at my hotel about an hour early for check-in so I had some time to kill before my room was ready. The front desk suggested a bar down the street. While at the bar, I met locals Steve and Kay. Steve fit the mold of the comedy skit awhile back with the Jamaican character saying "how many jobs you got, mon?" Steve is a tour guide/taxi driver/bartender/carpenter. His picture is below. The guy was definitely not sitting at home watching reality shows. I was obviously leery at first of being robbed/scammed by someone I've just met but he was on the up and up and ended up driving me to Negril later in the week. We'll get to that story later.  

My lodging at Toby's Resort was just what the doctor ordered. No loud neighbors, clean room, two pools, food/bar on the premises and a short walk to the strip/beach. House bartender Oshane poured a mean morning Rum Punch. A great way to greet the day.

The main hangout during the week was a BBQ place that was right on the beach. They had chicken, beer, a great view and cable access to get my sports fix. A shout out to Cidella, Ritchie, and Kirk for serving me many delicious Red Stripe drafts throughout the week. Kirk actually works on Mackinac Island at the Grand Hotel during the summer. I brought up "Horns Bar" on Mackinac and he replied in a thick Jamaican accent, "oh mon....Horns." 

I brought the snorkel gear as you can see in the attached pictures, the water is about as clear as you'll encounter. The views were beautiful underwater, however, I probably only saw a slice of what was down there. I'm not that strong of a swimmer so I didn't get to see what was told of some beautiful coral reef area out towards the deeper waters. It was early in the morning, there was no lifeguard around and I wasn't in the mood for drowning so I hung in the shallow area. No regrets. 

Even with more or less "tourist" stamped on my forehead, I never felt threatened walking the streets at anytime of the day or night. The only people approaching you either wanted to sell something or have you buy them a beer. They know that the only person U.S. folks will relate to in Jamaica is Bob Marley so I must have been solicited at least a handful of times during the week with "buy me a beer at this Bob Marley bar up here." Every bar was a Bob Marley bar. There wasn't any direct pan handling but a tip was always welcome in cases where a local was hanging out in front of a store and you asked if they had beer for sale inside.

Tuesday I got to see the Jamaican countryside as tour guide/taxi driver/bartender/carpenter Steve drove me out to Negril; about an hour and a half drive from Montego Bay. They drive on the left side of the road and have the steering wheel on the right in Jamaica so that was a pretty wild experience. Steve should add race car driver to his job titles as he had his white mini-van hurling across the countryside at quite a speed during some sections. A few goats came oh so close to being road kill. A beautiful countryside it was though. Upon arriving in Negril, we passed Hedonism II. While having a few beers in Negril, Steve was joking (I think he was joking) that I should pay the $100 day fee at the Hedonism resort and have my way with some of the talent. He was telling stories of his experiences there. Steve has the gift of gab and oh can the guy tell stories. So while he was telling of his Hedonism experiences, I asked him about the myth I've read where members of a certain race don't like to go below the border on the female for "service time." Steve replied, as only a Jamaican could, "oh no mon, I lick it like a lollypop!" Too much information? Maybe, but a story that still makes me giggle.
Thanks for the experience Jamaica.
Trail Head



tour guide/taxi driver/bartender/carpenter Steve

maybe next time...

upstairs bar

entrance to local bar

 

Cidella



my crib

Ritchie serving green Red Stripe on St. Patty's Day

Evolution of Man; Evolution of Phone

Yep, hell has officially frozen over (but is slowly melting, however); the guy who is the last to the party in terms of gadgets (and the first to leave) has joined the fancy phone world. What a long, strange trip it's been as each phone had a reason for it's existence.

My landline phone, it's service turned off sometime around 2007, was a work x-mas party prize. Until the world sent me a sign telling me otherwise, I was content with being a member of the telephone book. "Who needs a cell phone?" Then the world sent me a sign. I locked my keys in my car and thought to myself, "It sure would be nice to have a cell phone right now." That was the birth of cell phone number one.

Cell phones one and two served their purpose, however, I was again behind technology in that everybody was now texting; and in some cases, sexting. The thrill of sexting is lost pretty quick though when you have to work the #6 and #4 keys multiple times to get your word out there. That led to cell phone three with the full keyboard.

Number three was going to be the one and met most of my needs but I recently received another sign; work started blocking personal e-mail access, With that, welcome to the family fancy phone and the extra $30 to my bill!

Trail Head

My New Crib

Yep, my 1,000 year mortgage was approved and this little baby is all mine. Cleaning 250 rooms might be a toughie, however.

The large melon headed south Friday for a break from shoveling (and wasn't that nice of Mother Nature to leave me a 1/2 foot to shovel when I came home today?). The destination Saturday was Asheville, North Carolina for a visit to the 100+ year old house pictured above, the Biltmore. All I have to say is....damn!!!! What a bachelor pad (was initially)! They didn't spare any detail whether it was in the dining room, spa, smoking room, billiard room, library, the many spare bedrooms (short mattresses, bummer), and on and on. Throw in the Blue Ridge Mountains in the back yard, and you officially have Utopia. Not bad for a summer getaway place.

Warmer days are near Michigan!

Trail Head

not a bad looking back yard view

dining room

funky monkey gargoyles

big head in front of big house